Generally we think of loss and grief in relation to the death of someone. However loss comes in many forms. We are affected by and grieve the loss of anything that we value or are attached to i.e. Loss of health as we age, of our family home as it becomes too big for us or loss of ability (e.g. with a stroke).

Grief is a very natural, normal and ongoing process through which we make the adjustments necessary to live with any significant loss in our lives. In order to make a healthy adjustment to loss we must allow ourselves to work through the grief by letting the pain out. Keeping grief inside increases our stress.

Grief has the potential to affect everything we think, do, feel and say.

Some common grief reactions include:

Anxiety and Fear
Sadness and Loneliness
Anger and shock 
Hurt and Guilt
Relief   
Low energy   
Sleep disturbances
Appetite disturbances
Absentminded behaviour   
Poor concentration

Grief is not easy, it is a very complex experience, one like you may never have encountered before. It can be like a journey that only we can go on alone. We all respond to it differently and it will take as long as it needs to. Writing in a journal and/or talking with trusted friends or a counsellor can enable us to release some of the inner tension associated with how we are feeling.

Even with the anticipated loss of someone who is sick, there is still a final process we must walk through in our own unique way.

If you have noticed problems with your physical health, it is important to check with your doctor.

“The risk of love is loss; the price of loss is grief.” (Hilary Zunin)

This information kindly provided by 

What is a Hospice?

A place devoted to care for the terminally ill, staffed by specifically trained doctors, nurses, social workers, therapists, support staff and volunteers; offering total care for patient and family, including physical, emotional and spiritual support.

What is Specialist Hospice Care?

It is the support of the people who are suffering from an illness from which no cure can be anticipated.
The aim of the Hospice care is to maximise the quality of the person's Iife.This is achieved by
co-ordinating and delivering a range of services in response to the individual needs of the person being cared for and the caregiver and family.

Is Hospice Care available to everyone?

Hospice care services are committed to caring for everyone regardless of their race, culture, background, religion or financial situation.

What is the Hospice Programme?

This support is offered to people when their illness is incurable.They can then be referred by their doctor or family to the following:

View local Hospices.

• Tauranga/Mount Maunganui/Papamoa and surrounds Hospices
• Taranaki Hospices
  
• Horowhenua Hospices

Outpatients' Clinic

A clinic where the patient is seen by the Hospice doctor who determines how best the programme can meet an individual's needs over time.The patient can then join Day care.

Day Care

Where patients can come for up to three days a week.Volunteer drivers are available to collect and return the patient home. While at day care patients may consult with the doctor, take part in varied entertainment or have a relaxing day. An appetising midday meal is supplied. Also available is massage, hair and nail care, etc.

Respite Care

A time when the patient can come and stay for 7 days per month to give the family or caregiver and the patient a break.

Symptom Control

In almost all cases symptom relief can be achieved. If patients are in day care and have pain, a doctor will attend and if necessary the patient will be admitted.

Intermediate Care

Patients can come and stay en route home from hospital for a convalescent period.

Terminal Care

A time when terminally ill people and their families have special emotional, physical and spiritual needs met.When the patient reaches this phase they may choose to spend their remaining days at the Hospice.

Will I have to pay?

All costs including medical, specialised care and accommodation are provided free of charge.
Arrangements for Hospice care are usually made through your GP.

As society has moved towards more acceptance of people talking about their feelings, so has there been more acceptance of people talking about their own death, or the death of somebody close to them.

Prepaid funerals are now very common. Not only is this due to the exemption from asset testing for Residential Subsidy, but it is also viewed as a healthy way in which we can put our own wishes into place.
There are many ways of prepaying funerals. Most funeral directors, Trustee Companies (e.g. Public Trust,Trustee Executors, Perpetual Trust etc.) and many law firms will be able to set up a Funeral Trust.ln terms of the qualification of Residential Subsidy, the maximum WINZ will allow in such a trust is $10,000, so many people are choosing to invest this amount.

A detailed account of a person's wishes are recorded. This can even include choice of music, flowers etc.

When a person dies, the funeral is paid for by the trust, and the balance of the money, plus the interest it has earned goes into the estate.

Generally it is a good idea to talk things over with family first. It is best that we demystify death and funerals, and allow these topics to be discussed openly and honestly.

It is also common practise to include mention of funeral arrangements in a will. Items usually include:

• Choice of Funeral Director
• Church affiliations
• Wishes for burial or cremation (including disposal of ashes)
• Venue for the funeral
• Details of cemetery plot which may be already owned
• Details of organisations, societies etc. which must be notified of funeral arrangements.

Funerals vary in prices, but most cost around $5000 - $8000. Obviously the price will vary accordingly to burial or cremation, type of casket, flowers etc. lf families have little money it is important to discuss this with the funeral director at the time.WINZ are able to pay a maximum of $1760.57 towards the cost of a funeral where there are no other sources of money.
ACC will pay $5101.38 towards funeral costs.

Many people also now chose to use a celebrant seperate from the funeral director for funerals. Costs vary around the $250 - $300 mark.  

Although cost should not be the sole criteria for deciding a funeral, it is important that relatives with few financial resources do not burden themselves with accounts that are difficult to pay off.

The reality of death is hard to accept, either for ourselves, or those closest to us. Although some people wish to simply depart without any function or ceremony, it becomes difficult for friends and families to say their own "goodbyes" and to cherish the memory of the deceased person.The funeral services has evolved as a way of expressing our love and respect, and is one way of working through our own grief.

View local Funeral and allied professional details.

• Tauranga/Mount Maunganui/Papamoa Funeral Services
• Katikati Funeral Services
  
• Te Puke Funeral Services
  
• Taranaki Funeral Services
  
• Horowhenua Funeral Services